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Titles are overrated. Who needs a title anyway. Titles lead to misconception. People should just start reading something and form their own title. Sure, if you want to try and trick someone into reading something, slap a fancy smancy title on it to lure them in. This could lead to disappointment however. Why take that chance?

I prefer to just to let well enough alone. If the story sucks, then there is no disappointment (other than lost time). At least there was no build up of excitement. There was no false pretense. You weren’t reading through something with it in the back of your mind trying to fit the title to the story.

Sometimes movies think they are all clever and such by subtly throwing in the title of the movie somewhere once in the dialogue. As if I’m going to get goosebumps or something from it. Bah!

Movies should just come out at the theater, no marketing, no advertisement, no trailers. You should just drive by one day and see “New Movie” up on the marquee. Then go buy the ticket, sit down and wonder what it is all about. Sales might even increase, because by trial and error, you would have to sit through all the movies just to get to one you enjoyed.

There should also be fake-movies too. Like, buy your ticket, sit down, and nothing ever happens. Then 15 minutes or so after the start time has passed, something comes up on the screen and says “Surprise sucker…try again!”

That would be great. It would keep people on their toes. Inspire critical thinking. Maybe society would even grow more intelligent. We’d be more weary in general. People’s perception levels would increase. Sure we’d be all jumpy and flighty, but muggings would decrease. People would walk around looking wide-eyed and shifty, suspicious of everyone and everything.

Even animals would pick up on this. They sense fear you know. We’d have to battle squirrels and wild turkeys on our way to the store. They’d sense our apprehension and confusion and attack.

What a wonderful world this could be. All stemming from removing titles from books, movies, articles, etc. Take them away. And no cover art either. Plain gray covers, nothing else. In fact, TV should be nothing but a gray screen. No sound, nothing. We could then use our imaginations. TV is too easily distracting as it is. Someone could sneak up and stab you with a shoe horn or something because of some catchy Tide commercial.

Speaking of products, we should remove all labels from store bought goods as well. Is it cereal or dishwasher detergent? Who knows, buy a couple just in case.

I’m telling you, life would be so much better without all the unnecessary noise and distractions. People would be on their toes. Probably punch each other at random over jumpiness and such. Let’s all do our part to make this dream come true!

Yield!

I recently returned from a trip down south, and let’s just say I am not the most patient, loveable driver. In at least 5 of the 7 states I passed through on my round trip down 77S and back up the coast on 95N, PROMINENTLY posted few miles or so is a very direct message….”SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” In fact, in Pennsylvania, they even go as far as to post “KEEP RIGHT, PASS LEFT. IT’S THE LAW”

It is amazing how many people out there cannot grasp this SIMPLE concept. Did I alone take some uniquely cruel driving test which included a series of much harder, more logical questions on it? It seems that most of the people on the road have no concept of order or consistency. Also falling into this category of evil bastardness are the following:

Leapfroggers. People who pass you, get back in the right lane in front of you, then slow down. Often when you have to brake to deactivate your cruise control, then get over when it’s clear to pass them, they will speed back up. Or, you pass someone who then tailgates you for a while, decides to pass you, slows down, repeat sequence. CRUISE CONTROL PEOPLE! Pick a speed you feel comfortable driving at, and be consistent!

Left Lane Guardians. The ones who will drive for miles on the highway in the left lane (usually right at the speed limit), with no other souls in sight needing to be passed. Enough said.

Fake Passers. People (often semi’s) who attempt to pass someone, only to slow down and ride side-by-side with them for long stretches (other car, in fact, may be a leap frogger), then eventually fall back and change lanes again behind the person. Long train of waiting cars in left lane may now proceed. Thank you.

Racers. Those imbeciles who will - at all costs - prevent you from passing them. Speeding up at any sign of your attempt at over-taking them, then slowing back down when it is impossible to safely pass. Often will refuse to get into the right lane on clear stretches of no traffic, speeding up until next to another car, then slowing down again. What do they hope to win? My wrath?

Granted, I am a miserable sunofabitch while driving and often take personally the unconscious quirks of the people around me. I just try to be very consistent with my speed and yield without a grudge to those who wish to pass me (and hopefully keep going). It is very rare that I truly feel someone is purposely out to ruin my day. This does not, however, stop me from wanting to rip someone out of their driver’s side window at 70 MPH, and then “tattooing” the phrase “SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” in mirror image on their forehead with the white hot end of a snipped coat hanger. Then perhaps the next time they are curiously annoyed while looking in their rearview mirror at the person tailgating and flashing them from behind, maybe they will read my kind message and a spark of realization will ignite in their feeble mind. Doubtful. Hood-mounted, twin Gatlin guns. This is my next project.