Yield!

I recently returned from a trip down south, and let’s just say I am not the most patient, loveable driver. In at least 5 of the 7 states I passed through on my round trip down 77S and back up the coast on 95N, PROMINENTLY posted few miles or so is a very direct message….”SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” In fact, in Pennsylvania, they even go as far as to post “KEEP RIGHT, PASS LEFT. IT’S THE LAW”

It is amazing how many people out there cannot grasp this SIMPLE concept. Did I alone take some uniquely cruel driving test which included a series of much harder, more logical questions on it? It seems that most of the people on the road have no concept of order or consistency. Also falling into this category of evil bastardness are the following:

Leapfroggers. People who pass you, get back in the right lane in front of you, then slow down. Often when you have to brake to deactivate your cruise control, then get over when it’s clear to pass them, they will speed back up. Or, you pass someone who then tailgates you for a while, decides to pass you, slows down, repeat sequence. CRUISE CONTROL PEOPLE! Pick a speed you feel comfortable driving at, and be consistent!

Left Lane Guardians. The ones who will drive for miles on the highway in the left lane (usually right at the speed limit), with no other souls in sight needing to be passed. Enough said.

Fake Passers. People (often semi’s) who attempt to pass someone, only to slow down and ride side-by-side with them for long stretches (other car, in fact, may be a leap frogger), then eventually fall back and change lanes again behind the person. Long train of waiting cars in left lane may now proceed. Thank you.

Racers. Those imbeciles who will - at all costs - prevent you from passing them. Speeding up at any sign of your attempt at over-taking them, then slowing back down when it is impossible to safely pass. Often will refuse to get into the right lane on clear stretches of no traffic, speeding up until next to another car, then slowing down again. What do they hope to win? My wrath?

Granted, I am a miserable sunofabitch while driving and often take personally the unconscious quirks of the people around me. I just try to be very consistent with my speed and yield without a grudge to those who wish to pass me (and hopefully keep going). It is very rare that I truly feel someone is purposely out to ruin my day. This does not, however, stop me from wanting to rip someone out of their driver’s side window at 70 MPH, and then “tattooing” the phrase “SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” in mirror image on their forehead with the white hot end of a snipped coat hanger. Then perhaps the next time they are curiously annoyed while looking in their rearview mirror at the person tailgating and flashing them from behind, maybe they will read my kind message and a spark of realization will ignite in their feeble mind. Doubtful. Hood-mounted, twin Gatlin guns. This is my next project.