Broken Glass

Well, our patio doors are in desperate need of repair....so yesterday I attempted to take one out of the track to see what kind of wheels I would need to buy for the bottom. Damn if it wasn't being stubborn and needed a little force to get it out. Well, I accidentally twisted the frame and CRACK there goes the glass. It didn't shatter, but it broke up real nice within the frame, large shards hanging slightly outward. So I put some gloves on and removed the glass, then used a hammer in the driveway to break it up into smaller pieces I could put into a doubled up trash bag. That was a pretty loud process.

So now we have a nice piece of plastic taped to the opening. Have to lock our back doors at night leading into the porch whereas before we just left them open. Our cats miss hanging out there now at night. Have to find out how much this is going to be to replace, not that we have any extra money :( . Feel free to Paypal me any money if you have any laying around, heh heh. I could use a new digital movie camera as well while we're at it.

Anyway, I think we have broken a LOT of glass since we moved into our house. Between us and our friends, here is a short list: glass patio door, Nambe® glass bowl (chipped from a strong gust of wind that knocked a painting into it and it fell to the floor from our mantle), crystal champagne flute (wedding gift...not cheap), martini glass, Planter's Peanut jar (not that we were saving it, just mentioning because it was glass), drinking glass (busted from ice machine on fridge)...possibly more, I'll update in the Comments as new glass breaks. And please, stop emailing me constantly for updates on this blog....I know the comments sections fill up pretty quickly...and it is a lot of information to sift through, but trust me I read it all.

Repressed Omnipotence?

You ever get the feeling that you are an ageless, omnipotent being who grew bored of the lack of excitement and surprises in your existence? Perhaps you decided to live one mortal life with no knowledge of your higher powers and no abiltiy to access them. Perhaps you should think about this the next time you cross my path. Be friendly or I may smite your soul somewhere in the cosmic future.

Nothing Good to Say

I should be working right now. I am at work, logically this should imply expected productivity. No one wants to pay someone to sit on their ass all day. Well, maybe an undercover cop posing as a bum in an undercover hooker sting operation would be paid to sit there on a bench all day. But at least they are also being paid to be alert to the situation. Ready to spring out and nab those Johns.

Speaking of undercover hooker sting operations, maybe they should just recruit hobos and transients to help bust those working gals. Or would that be a conflict of interest? It might backfire though, some of those vagabonds may actually be the pimp, posing undercover as a bum. You could really get into some double-secret-counter-agent type situations. You could recruit a bum to be an informant, who could actually be the pimp posing as the bum in the first place. Or, maybe the pimp is also the working girl dressed up like a man, posing as the pimp/bum but in actuality is working for herself, and also being asked to inform on herself and friends.

I think I'll drop this speculation right now and reflect upon the title of this post and agree with it.

Elevator Etiquette

I could take the title of this post in a whole other direction, and maybe I'll come back to this...but for this particular entry...

I was riding up in the elevator today on my way into work. Another guy also got in, just having finished working out in our building's fitness center. I noticed his collar was slightly up in the back exposing his tie. Normally, my first instinct is to not bother getting involved with something like this - why should I care, I don't know him. Then I thought, why not let the poor guy know (or maybe he's not anal like me and could care less). So I broke out of my public stranger shell and said "Your collar is sticking up slightly in the back". He immediately fixed it and made a funny comment about that not being the only thing wrong with him, thanked me, then we got to his floor and he departed. I felt better having positively contributed to someone's life. Why aren't more people as openly polite as I had just been. Maybe most are and I am the one needing a little fine tuning. Maybe next I will become a missionary and help refugees in Uganda. Or not.

Interesting Introductions

I thought it would be a neat idea to come up with several different openings for a possible story/book/movie and see which ones sounded more interesting. Please comment on which of the following tales you would like to hear more about.

INTRO 1:

Makalvia is a dark and desolate city. Plotted at the rocky banks of the western Mediterranean sea, Malkavia is home to many different cultures. To say that the citizens of Malkavia do not live in harmony would be an understatement. In the last five hundred years alone, claim to this land has switched hands a dozen or so times between its neighboring countries. Officially, Malkavia doesn't exist.

It is early evening, cold and unforgiving. A dark and malevolent fog bites at the sea shores, ominously seeking land. Fisherman hastily pack their tackle as the light from the lamp posts dims. It is not uncommon for fog to rear its head this time of year, but this night it feels different. No one speaks a word, yet they all seem to sense a foreboding presence. A presence guided not by a moral compass but by irrational anger. Its intentions are not clearly perceived, but one thing is for sure...Malkavia has an unwanted visitor this evening.

INTRO 2:

A lone drop of Aqua di Gio gently tapped the faux-marble bathroom floor. Eric rinsed his hands, satisfied with his application of the powerful scent around his neck. He despised spray cologne almost stubbornly. Once, Eric nearly beat a sales clerk to death for gesturing towards him with a spray sample bottle of an inferior fragrance. Eric's unyielding temper was well known within the clubbing circuit in Paris, yet occasionally there were those that tested its limits. Those even oblivious to the urban stories.

The sun had just set as orange light remained barely visible out over the city beyond the Seine. Eric had rented a room at the Hotel d'Albe in the Latin Quarter the previous night. It was modest at best, yet afforded a convenient setting for intimate relations with Chloe, a girl he met at La Scala discoteque. He decided to stay another night, hoping to lure a trio of vixens back later. He set his goals high. Les Bains Douches, his destination tonight, was very selective of those who entered the upper level. Eric had always avoided this club, afraid of rejection (and what he may do in its midst), but tonight he had an edge. Tonight Eric Renaultt had seen the true face of Satan and a deal had been born.

INTRO 3:

A rooster, a mattress salesmen, and a robot all converged at a country intersection...

INTRO 4:

(I will add more unless the comments section astronomically ascends with praise of these 3 so far, as it often does within this popular blog)

MAN vs. BEES part 2

OK, last night when I got home, there were a few stragglers in the basement. They seemed to be sleeping. They eerily hung from the pull cords for the basement lights. Only about 4 in all. I stopped for a moment to ponder their survival instincts...what made them hang on the strings of all places to rest for the evening? What had they done during the day? Then I quickly flamed them with the WD-40.

No more this morning, spackling still in place over the hole outside. We'll see how Nest 2 is doing this weekend when I have to mow again.

MAN vs. BEES

There are two separate bumble bee nests on my property at the moment. and when I say "bumble bee", I really mean "gigantic, black and yellow, furry stinging machines". Likely, I haven't actually been stung yet....yet. However at the rate things are going, there will inevitably be casualties on both sides of the war.

Let me begin with the saga thus far...

Nest One:

We own a brick house. But unfortunately, in order to have electrical power delivered to the inside of the house, there must be a hole drilled into the brick somewhere for the power cable to run in. The bees found this hole.

At first, I sprayed the opening here and there, mostly after witnessing a scout or worker bee entering or exiting. Getting frustrated at my lack of results in trying to dissuade the bees from prolonging their stay, I decided to unload a whole can of wasp and hornet spray directly into the hole. I then sat back and tried picking off the ones returning and hovering around, sensing something was wrong with there community entrance. This seemed to stop them at the time, but I was in for a longer, dirtier battle.

The next day much to my wife's dismay, it was discovered that the bees had found their way into our basement. About 50 or so lay littered about, dead on the floor and among our belongings. We cleaned this up...correction..I cleaned this up and had hoped it to be the end of their squatting. It wasn't.

I soon noticed in the days to come that bees still came and went through the hole in the house. I again hosed down the opening with another can of bee death. This time, no scattered carcasses in the basement. I was out of spray at this point, and still a few bees came here and there, so I waited until sun down. I then proceeded to spackle shut the opening once and for all. I had hoped that there were not that many remaining occupants, but feared those left would surely then find there way into the basement.

This morning I went down into the basement. When I rounded the corner and got close to the wall containing the hole, I heard the buzzing. About 10-15 estranged bumble bees flew around the ceiling. Oddly enough, most clung to a wooden wire clip on the ceiling. The others were fascinated by the light bulbs. Remember, I was out of bee killer at this point so I had to think quick. I left and soon came back with WD-40 and a lighter in my hands.

I took out the largest gathering first, the ones agitated and attacking the light bulb. One quick flame burst dropped them all to the floor, buzzing and writhing in pain. Then I moved on to the other pockets of bees. In about 10 minutes I was done. I ended by stepping on the buzzing ones on the floor. I then waited, silently listening for more buzzing. I heard none. We will see tonight if the war is over with this faction. Onto the nest group...

Nest Two:

A couple weeks ago, I was innocently mowing my lawn. Right about when I was finished, I was mowing the portion of my lawn near my driveway and the street. I don't know what made me turn around, but something did. Right where I had just walked over, bumble bees were shooting out of the ground like Old Faithful. Without thinking, I turned and pushed the lawn mower over the hole and took off. Unfortunately for me, the mower shuts off when you let go of the bar. Now I had to retrieve the mower amongst the angry warriors.

I waited a few minutes until they calmed down and quickly retrieved the mower. I finished up the mowing and went to get a can of bee spray (this story runs parallel to the other one, I still had some spray). I unloaded about half a can into the hole and took out any of the bastards angrily hovering around. Again, I was faced with disappointing results. The next weekend, I unloaded more spray into the hole. The grass around the hole was brown and dead. Still, I couldn't best my winged combatants. Then I got a good idea. I got the hose and stuck it in the hole. I then went to the house and turned it on. I let this run for about a half hour, watching as confused bees hovered around. The strange part is that no water washed up out of the hole. I figured at some point, the ground's ability to absorb the water would fall behind the current rushing in and there would be a satisfying overflow of water, signalling the complete flooding of their hole. I knew they had to be resilient enough for rain showers, but did not think their home could withstand the onslaught of a hose. No such water appeared.

There must be a cavern beneath my yard. I pulled the hose and to my dismay, only had seemed to hinder the bees for a short time as they merrily continued entering and exiting the hole. I then grabbed a 10 pound rock and smacked it down overtop the hole. Two bees were getting ready to exit and I took great pride in sealing them in. I am not dumb, I am sure they must have some other way out, given the assumed massive volume of their lair underneath. I also imagine they will dig around the rock perhaps as well.

This was yesterday. On my way to work this morning, I did not see any activity pulling out of my drive, but who knows. I will keep you updated as to future developments!

Unpowered

We got our power shut off today. I was laying in bed, ready to get up when the fan just went dead. A couple weeks ago, we had power outages for several days straight, lasting 1-8 hours or so each. I thought this was repeating. But then the doorbell rang. Having just awakened, I was not ready to answer the door. By the time I got to the window to see who it was, I saw a power company van pulling away.

It turns out that for the last six months we had been paying our bill for our previous account number. We had moved and never updated our online banking with the new account number.

You'd think that at some point in the last six months, we may have at LEAST gotten a letter to the effect of "Why are you still paying on this closed account?" Instead they merrily accepted the payment each month and accrued a growing balance on our current account.

It is all straightened out now, but what a damn inconvenience.